Sunday, April 4th, 2010
- Turn on some lights. Ghosts/demons are not comfortable unless it’s dark. Need nightvision or microphones to observe the curious phenomena? Consider saving your money and investing in a hot tub instead. Also, invite me over to enjoy said hot tub.
- Learn how to do something useful. Only motherfucking idiots see ghosts, so protect yourself by being smart or at least productive.
- Stop being a woman. I don’t know if it’s the periods, verginias or what, but ghosts are all about attaching to some women so buck up and kick that ghost in the damn face (or facial area if said entity happens to be of the faceless variety).
- Laugh out loud while watching “Paranormal Activity.” They bought a townhouse without inspecting the attic/crawlspace. Dumbasses (see #2). I know San Diego has good weather year round and all, but insulation is non-negotiable.
- Ignore it. Ghosts are needy motherfuckers, and if you refuse to acknowledge one’s existence, it will most likely just give up after a few door closings.
- Get a television that’s not ancient. Ghosts like to turn televisions to static channels, but modern televisions just show a blank or blue screen. Ghosts are totally frustrated because that’s a tried and true method for scaring fucking idiots (again, see #2).
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